Befriend Your Inner Critic by Sophia Treyger

I’ve noticed that no matter how much work I’ve done on myself, there is always room to go deeper, subtler, and to experience nuanced feelings. As humans, we tend to stay on the surface of things. We feel gross sensations – things like acute pain, hunger, elation. We feel extremes.


There is a lot of pain that resides in the body and mind. There is a lot beneath the pain and if you take the time to explore, you will know yourself better. Knowing yourself ultimately frees you. The more you feel and notice within yourself, the easier it becomes to communicate with others. When you communicate, you open yourself up to greater intimacy and closeness.


What do I mean by give to yourself? It’s when you do and say what you want. You give to yourself what you know is good for you and you don’t make excuses. You don’t put other’s needs first. You don’t do things for yourself that prevent you from nourishing yourself. We seem to forsake our bodies in order to satisfy others – whether it’s our own self-initiated tasks or tasks assigned to us. But you can’t give to yourself if you are not connected to your body and needs.


Have you ever stopped to ask: What feels good right now?


Try it


When I asked a little while ago for empowerment stories, I got crickets. Hardly any one answered. One woman said “I don’t have any.” When I ask people what they’re good at, they can’t give me an answer. Instead they tell me what they’re not bad at. It’s not the same answer. The culprit is the SOB Inner Critic that lives within us and dictates a lot of what we do, believe, and say. The Inner Critic has beliefs of its own and it is NOT you. It’s a part of you, but not by any measure you. It’s the voice that has been inside you forever and it evolves as you evolve. Maybe you are very familiar with it but I bet you are not familiar with the nuances of it. The subtle manipulative Inner Critic that lurks when you are especially inspired.


I promise you, this voice rules you if you don’t get to know it.


The first process I take my clients through is getting to know this SOB. When you know your enemies, they become less threatening. I also teach my clients how to befriend the Critic because it doesn’t go away and there is no purpose in antagonizing it. Fighting it feeds it.


Getting to know your Inner Critic is a tough process and it brings up a lot of hidden and nuanced emotions. It is a process of giving to yourself, though, because what you know liberates you. What you allow yourself to feel liberates you. In the end, it doesn’t kill you and your wise self – the beautiful core essence that is you (by the way, you are love) – comes more and more to the forefront. That is the best gift to give to you and ultimately to others.


Give to yourself, listen to yourself, allow your feelings to come up, and tell the SOB Inner Critic to shut up for a change. In doing so, you will free yourself of the fear that can hold you back and limit your true essence. It will allow you to get to know your inherent brilliance and, in turn, inspire the world around you.


Sophia Treyger has been a therapist for over 15 years and has worked with children, families, individuals, groups, and couples. Creating a world-wide community of women and men who lead from pleasure is her true passion and calling. She is now the Chief Pleasure Operator of her own Sex & Intimacy Coaching company. You can find Sophia and more info here.